Saturday, February 24, 2007



.......HOROSCOPE.......

PISCES FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20


The only thing that can be said about you dreamers is that you appear even more attractive when angry. You are very sensitive to others’ feelings, so you rarely hurt them. But when others tend to hurt you, then things take a nasty turn. You will yell and use harsh words and feel inclined to shake everything and everyone up. Your creative imagination is at its best when angry, and you tend to get pretty dramatic. When upset, you refuse to listen to reason and wish to be left alone. But once you calm down, you repent your tantrums and seek forgiveness. SO nobody can be upset with you for too long.
**(so i guess, lahat naka-bold hahaha)

*  *Posted by rakelyvia at 12:21 PM
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.......I prayed. It came. I cried........

What's up with me? Instead of doing my case study and studying for our fucking GRAND RETDEM, I'm here writing.


I almost lose my mind. I almost ended up in a panorama, which I will eventually regret. I almost gave in. Shit! This is not so me. It’s not even half of what I thought I am. How did it happen? I let it happen though.


Let me just repeat it, "I ALMOST GAVE IN". I know, gusto nyo na ko kalbuhin by now. Pero I didn't do it naman dba!? Kapatapatwad pa ba kO? Haha


I was restless for 2 days. I was like a walking zombie with colds. I never intended to cry, but guilt provoked me. In a regular basis, I know I can handle such in an easy-deadma-lang manner, but this is so surreal.


Friendship. Ok, that's what we've agreed upon after so many arguments. In the first place I am really after being friends. No more, no less. But what made me consider giving it a shot beyond being friends? That’s the very unwise idea I have thought. Waaaahhhh. I lose control over those things.


I needed a hug. That's why I went home and hugged my mom. Not even a single word came out of my mouth. I wanted to tell her what happened but of course I can't. If I did, I would have bodyguards by now. I'm glad that she didn't ask me or even force me to say anything.


Why am I giving a damn about this?


It's because, I am totally affected. I will not pretend to be fine if I'm not. And now, as of writing this, I'm not fine. I need answers and explanation that he cannot give. This would have again become another post to laugh about as years passed by.


I feel that I'm just a toy for someone who has recently broke up with another someone. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe it's true. But no matter what the truth is, the most important thing here is I have to clear my intentions. Who would not become unreasonable if you've read all what you needed to read and yet he still denied it? Actually he did not confirm nor deny anything, but constantly changing topic without even answering you the million-dollar question.


Knowing that you are a 50-50 spare/reserve or whatever they wanted to call it, it will certainly affect you.


I let it happen but at least I also let it stopped. I sorta forced him to promise something. And his text goes like this:


"I promise na hanggang friends lang tayo (valid only until Feb 22, 2008)"


Yes there's an expiry date. O well, who could predict what might happen in one year? Things may change. By that time, I hope we know na what we really wanted. Maybe we'll have our own lives to work on instead of just bugging each other. And maybe, if we cannot control circumstances that may come, we won't even reach the expiry date, right? But as long as the agreement exists and we can still take over things, we are both off limits.


Wanna know my friends' reactions?


Mimi: if you seriously like him, im seriously ok.
Mimi: wag daw sabi ni tasa
Kel: bkt?
Mimi: masama daw kse sya.
Kel: haha masama din naman si mykel ah!?
Mimi: oo daw, wag ka na daw gumaya! Check.


Haahaha, the best talaga!

*  *Posted by rakelyvia at 12:06 PM
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Friday, February 09, 2007



.......Awwww........

(i posted this last feb2 on friendster)


Ok I’m nursing a headache right now as I’ve always been since day 1 of this sem.



First, things I’ve done make me feel really sick. It’s not because I’m starting to regret everything (of course I won’t and won’t ever be), it’s just that I’m not really proud of it. Although just about everyone is saying that I did well in my previous posts and that I had set my defense all in one, I still don’t know why am I feeling like this. Number one, maybe because I still don’t get why and a big WHY some people can’t settle things between themselves and no one else privately. Do we really need to publicize it? And why do, some of them, needed to speak against someone, not to mention cruel statements, not even knowing what went wrong in the first place. Ok, I’m not starting it again ha. Even me, have done those before but at least now I’ve already learned. And number two, maybe because this commotion has not yet been resolved. I don’t want this to be longer than my previous fights plus I don’t want my friends to do aggressive actions about this. As much as possible, I am trying to be in charge of this. Still, I’m still open for any probable talk. *sigh* *sigh*



Second, I am super disappointed with myself. I could have done better last exams but I didn’t. I was busy thinking things over and over again. Perhaps that’s another consequence I have to deal for having ADHD. Focusing is where I suck most. Another is that I have actually experienced ‘mini-mini-my-nimoing’ my exam in Physics. Guys, it’s a hundred-item test that I eventually ended up guessing—ALL items. Ok I’m exaggerating, but the truth is I only answered TEN out of ONE HUNDRED questions in that fucking questionnaire (thank God it’s a multiple choice-type of test. I have guessed the remaining 90). And if I’m lucky, and get those 10 or even 30 correct answers, that would still be equivalent to SINGKO and that means na sana di nalang ako nagsagot. Sayang pa yung effort kong yumuko at magbasa and pressed my calcu’s buttons over and over again. Next is History. All I can say is *sigh*.



Third, Ronald is leaving in what, less than 2 mos.


When Bona texted us that she’s leaving, I told ronj that I don’t want any of them (friends) to go. I really felt sad about Bona going to a place where we cannot easily get to by merely riding a jeepney. And then days later, while I was laughing hard to the thought that miguel actually experienced the ‘hold-up’ thingy, ronj broke the news that he is really leaving, for good. syempre na-windang ako, bkt di nya sinasabi sken. Then the YM incident came flashing back. When I was in my ‘hell’ week, I was talking to him in YM




Kel: hay naku pero kapag di ko na kaya dapat kaw na makipag-away!!

Ronald: Oo ba..

Ronald: Pero wag ka msasanay na lagi ako anjan..

Kel: bket? Andrama.




I definitely didn’t get his message.




Then I called him, he confirmed it. March 12, 3 days after my birthday (sa sborang windang ko I even counted it 4 days kay ronj haha), may isa akong friend na aalis. Waaaahhh. At ayun, naparanoid ako. Ayoko na din umalis si mimi kahit na I know she’ll be back naman agad. But the thought of them going, riding an airplane and you can’t see them when you wanted to see them badly, and the idea na they’re, in fact, not in the Philippines makes me cry. Yes cry. It’s what we call ‘mixed emotions”. Haha. And now, I’m really crying. (background song: the remedy by json mraz).




Kanina, is another we-have-a-day-break-and-we-really-need-to-see-each-other getaway. Although it’s not what we usually do--that after ADMU, lunch, then window-shopping, after which to mimi’s house and enjoy nothingness (just delete the latter part)--it’s still worth the pagod and the pollution, plus the calories.




The best way to forget your month-long eye and mind sore (with books and photocopies by your bedside or even under your bed or in the corner of your cabinet, in short everywhere) is to sit inside Shakey’s Katipunan, sight seeing, with your bestest friends in the world. What else can beat that?? Waaahhh how comforting. *grinning* luv yah friends.




I couldn’t wait for our next nothingness moments.




This 2-day vacation really helped a lot. My sanity came back; eye bag less droopy, and I assume everything is now back in to circulation.




Wooooohhhh summer na!!! Go kids, plan na.

*  *Posted by rakelyvia at 9:50 PM
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