Saturday, June 10, 2006



.......Purchasing a Surprise.......

As far as I can remember, I only told my mom twice about getting me a laptop notebook. That was before when my pc was a total wreck and I thought there's nothing we can do about it. But when my brother had it fixed and upgraded into a higher version, I suddenly stopped bugging my mom about it.


And as I told Milan what I wanted since I was granted the scholarship, laptop was in my top 3 list (cellphone, printer, laptop, gym, car, kikay kit, unifor..). But I never told my mom about that.


One Saturday morning, my mom decided to enroll me to the gym,. Again, hindi ko sya pinilit. Seriously, it's fine with me if not 'cause I was already enrolled in badminton and swimming classes. I'm grateful na hindi ako msyado nageffort pilitin sya hahaha.


And then, jut this last Thursday, when I got home from RP, my mom told me that someone's selling her a 2nd hand laptop. And I asked if how much and what brand, she told me it's 28k and a sony laptop na maliit lang (she drew it in the air). Frankly, I had doubt about it because I've never seen a sony laptop in my entire life (exagg!!). And then I asked if it's installment or cash, she said cash. I just frowned at her with a drop-it-mom look. I also asked her the features but ofcourse she doesn't know that's why he called that man, who happens to be our old neighbor, and told him to come. In just about 5mins, just right after I'd changed my clothes, he arrived. To my surprise, it turned out that it's really a sony laptop (it's from japan). And he's selling it because they're not using it. And I made kalikot to it, and what I found out were:


it's maliit nga.
2.44 GHz
18.6 GB drive C
18.6 GB drive d
DVD/ CD writer
wi-fi ready
sobrang daming programs esp. about video editing
memory card reader
floppy disk
gusto ko lang ilagay na may ksama syang optical mouse, haha kamusta nman un. Matagal ko na kse bumili nun, ayoko lang haha.


but the down is the keyboard is totally jammed. I mean because it's from japan, signs and stuffs are jammed. But it's ok, I can manage hehe. And it only has a single font (word) because it's from japan nga. I didn't realize that my mom is already paying the guy until I saw him sign the contract or whatever that thing my mom did is. TRIVIA:my mom paid him 25k lang.


I know, I'm not supposed to write this thing here, it's really nonsense but that was really a surprise. I mean, I never imagine my mom will buy me that and after all I stopped putting her the picture of having it. Hayyy.. I just can't get over it yet. hehe

*  *Posted by rakelyvia at 9:13 AM
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Thursday, June 08, 2006



.......Fat is beautiful (i am biased).......

I've always been fat. I kept asking myself why I became fat and the only answer I get is that food is my guilty pleasure. Ok , I know it's my fault for being like this. When I was a growing kid I don't have the push for diet nor for exercise. It's just that what's the point of dieting and exercising if you know you're beautiful hahaha. Sabi ko nga sa inyo, pinalaki ako sa paniniwala na maganda ako and I'm sticking to it hahaha.


I know I am fat and I'm not afraid to show the world that I am. I know I am fat and what's the problem with that?


Being fat doesn't mean your ugly too. If you know your fat you have to do something to lift your confidence and show yourself to the world and say, "hey I'm fat and what's the problem with that?". If you know that food is your guilty pleasure and your having a hard time exercising and dieting or in short, you don't want to initiate losing weight, then think of another aspect where you are pretty sure that it's your strong point.


I know I'm fat and I'm not ashamed of that. I know I'm fat and I know that I am beautiful. (at least I can still wear whatever I like though sometimes it hardly suits me)



As I said, I've always been fat and it's a general knowledge to all of us. I woke up one day and looked at the mirror and said "t*** i** rakel, ang ganda mo!" hinde joke lang haha. What I really said was "god damn, hindi ka na maganda..tsk tsk tsk. Malaki na tyan mo!" and started thinking that I am becoming uglier each day (kse that time I have madaming madaming pimples pa bukod sa I'm becoming heavier). I thought that my self-esteem was getting lower and lower but I found a way to boost it again. Let us say that I took extraordinary care to my skin especially to my face because I know that forcing myself to lose weight if I know that I'm not really particular to it will do no good to me and so it paid off, at least a bit. I can wear whatever I like though sometimes I have a hard time finding the clothes I want that suits me.



I know I'm fat and I'm not regretting being one. I know I am fat and maybe one day I will enter another chapter of my life where changes is not forbidden. We'll never know.


And just weeks ago, I was awaken by the urge to start a speck of changes. I was not forced by anyone to go to the gym to exercise but it's my will that took me to. Really, it's not easy to allow changes in your life particularly when you're used to it. Especially when you know that your not really having troubles with that but changes will surely improve its worth. And we are scared if these changes will succeed but we'll never know unless we try.


I know I am fat but that doesn't mean I will not change it. I know I am fat but I also know my limitation and I'm not exceeding it.


and tell me, am i making sense? haha

*  *Posted by rakelyvia at 8:43 AM
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006



.......I am no princess.......

I woke up to realize that my life is way way far from 'princess Dom'.


I am the princess in my family. Though I was never treated like a real princess they'd showed me how to be a royalty in my own little way. I was never the favorite, never the spoiled brat, never the obedient-girl-who-obeys-whatever-their-parents-says. I'm just a normal girl who used to be the good and the blacksheep at the same time. They never let me grew up in a material world and I'm really thankful for that. All I have right now are the result of my convincing power on how important they can be if I'm going to have them. How necessary they will be in the future. That's why I treasure whatever I have right now; material or immaterial.


I can't brag anything material nor being in an ideal family with wonderful social status.


I am a product of a weird broken family but I never blamed anyone for that. I have many stepsisters and stepbrothers that I bet you can't imagine. I live with my mother and 4 literally other stepsiblings. My father has his own family, and I am an illegitimate child. But my parents never explained anything to me nor I demanded an explanation to them. I never asked them question, I just know and accept the situation wholeheartedly.


At a young age of 3 (I guess), I already know the set-up of my family. I was never put in a condition where in I have to fight to other kiddos because they make fun of me about my family or whatever. They never pity me. Our neighbors respect us as much as we respect them. I am blessed that I grew up in this neighborhood.


Of course at time I envy those kids with complete, happy family--it's perfectly normal. It's not that my family is unhappy; in fact we're very happy. But it's just that our happiness is different from those who have complete family. We are happy because despite our situation, we value each other. That despite the imperfection of our family we still stand for each other. That despite the problems, issues, and circumstances that is lucidly unusual to others we still try to live life normally and to avoid blaming someone for what's happening to us. We are grateful that we have a mother who in the face of "are-you-giving-up-stage" still managed to raise us, mostly as a single parent, the way we are today.


I am lucky to have parents like them. Even though I seldom see my father and he don't live here, I still love him. And he's my father after all. Of course there was a time that I hated him for not being around, for the mistakes he had committed pero kundi dahil saknya, there will be no racquel around. I never regretted being part of this family. I am proud of it.


I can't blame anyone for what I am right now. All I can do is to live my life as ease and try to make history.


Kaya nga I really can't understand some teens with so much angst in the world. teens na nagrerebelde when they found out na their parents have broken up, or they can't get much attention that wanted. There's more to life than wasting your time contradicting the reality. I don't know. Maybe I'm used to it na when I was a kid pa. It's normal to react violently after knowing those but sana you won't take that as reason not to go on with your life.


what i'm pointing out is you don't need to have all the riches in the world to experience being one. you can be royalty but not in a materialized way. have you even thought that your family and friends who love you is just enough to be a princess?

Well, all I can say is that I grew up in a community where love is all around. I'm not intending to talk big but the next line is true. I am very thankful that I'm loved.

*  *Posted by rakelyvia at 7:56 PM
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